


A Key into a Cage

by Doctorinblue



Series: I Still Remember [1]
Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23883181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doctorinblue/pseuds/Doctorinblue
Summary: Hawkeye meets BJ and reflects on what he's losing and gaining
Relationships: B. J. Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Series: I Still Remember [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1721284
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	A Key into a Cage

This hadn’t been part of Hawkeye’s plan when he’d taken the jeep and raced away without permission. 

It hadn't been his intention to scoop up Trapper's replacement, to initiate him with bombs and blood, and following that, naturally, by too much alcohol to help them swallow the truth a little easier. He hadn't meant to do a single thing outside of catching Trapper up into one last embrace, to hide the words he had waited too long to say and promise him they'd meet up again even if they both would have known it wasn't quite the truth.  
Instead, he'd found BJ. He'd shaken his hand and refused to let him get swept away in the current of the war. He'd found himself a friend in the exact spot he'd lost the last one, and as he'd slipped under BJ's shoulder, steered them to the Swamp, the parts he'd been busy locking away had broken open again. BJ fit, against the side of his body, as an addition to his piecemeal heart.

He's tucked BJ into the safety of his fresh blankets and toed off his shoes. His bed sways beneath him and sleep remains just out of reach, so he lets himself drown in the echoes of laughter inside his head. Not just him and BJ, Trapper remains, his smile bright and sincere behind Hawkeye's closed eyelids. He can hear his voice, smell the scent of his cologne before a date, feel the roughness of Trapper's hand against his own as they'd danced around the tent. Hawkeye's mind is a scrapbook he can't rip the pictures from and the man who had been so much more than a friend would never be anything but a memory again. The same man who had saved him when he couldn't save himself.  
He hopes, at the very least, he'd done the same for Trapper. 

He can't help but wonder if he can do it all again, risk it all on a sure loss. Can he count on BJ to laugh at his side, to carry him along and help him find his sanity when all he sees are wisps and hints of it inside his too thick skull? Can he be what BJ needs in return, can he help him survive this and get back home to his wife and kid, to return home the same man as he left it? Can he be a real friend again, more than a tent-mate, the sort of person you'd die for, or more importantly and harder still, the kind of person you'd live for?

“Ha-“ BJ clears his throat, and tries again. “Hawkeye?”

Hawkeye tries to lift his head, but gives up and settles for opening his eyes. It’s nearly dark and he’s half-sober and BJ looks like a kid over there, curled up and looking for something Hawkeye isn’t sure he has to give.  
“Yeah, BJ?”

“Thanks,” he says, “For…well, everything.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Hawkeye says. “Wait ‘til morning and see if you don’t change your mind when you see the cesspool.”

He can hear a small laugh, a shift and the cot is still Trapper’s even if it’s full of another man. A nice one though, Hawkeye can admit, one that he's pretty sure he could be head-over-heels for if he can ever let   
himself move on. 

“Hawkeye?”

“Yeah?”

“Is Frank really in charge?”

The laughter that bubbles up inside him is mixed with the tears he's been holding back, but it's honest and they're giggling like schoolboys again. They're more sober than drunk and they're more scared than sane but for just a moment none of that matters. For just a single moment, lost in the laughter, Hawkeye's sure he'll be okay, and he's vowing to be what BJ needs, whatever that happens to be until the day that peace is signed and they run to their sides of the same country and that final goodbye is another scar he carries around.

He suspects it'll be worth the pain.


End file.
